In case you have an insatiable desire to know, I hate getting unemployment. Someone suggested I try to think of it as getting paid to do things like go to the gym, bake cookies, and clean my house, but that doesn’t help. First of all, if I actually were getting paid to do those things it would suck the sense of accomplishment clean out of them, and secondly, the only reason I’m getting paid to do those things (in a sense) is because I can’t seem to convince anyone to pay me to do anything else. This messes considerably with my essential belief that I have a respectable brain and that the $100,000 I spent on it in college wasn’t a hilarious joke that my alma-mater is now laughing about over expensive idiot-funded champagne.
My job search has been peppered with glimmers of hope in the form of interviews. I’ve had zillions of phone interviews, in-person interviews, and even second interviews. It must be that I had something stuck in my teeth during every single one, because I have this idea that I interview well, and that I don’t sound, at least to me, like a bumbling idiot during my conversations with potential employers. I guess that’s a matter of opinion and less of a scientific fact. Granted, some of the jobs I’ve gone for have been a bit of a long shot, but certainly not all of them. Some of them I’ve felt I was excellently qualified for and thought, certainly, this is the perfect fit that God has planned for me, which of course explains my inexplicable failure to land any of the previous ones. Still others I’ve thought, well, this is certainly a step down and they’ll be grateful to have a chance at my greatness. It’s really an ego-killer after you get denied from a few jobs where you thought you were the one lowering your standards. Ouch.
So what is the point? What is God teaching me through all of this? I’m open to suggestions, because I have no idea. I don’t think I had a problem with pride (though after that statement I’m questioning that statement) but this would definitely be a good cure if I had. Having to tell my husband, who thinks I’m about 100 times more qualified than I am, again and again that the job we were hoping I’d land didn’t call back is more gut-wrenching every time. I get tired of the feeling that I’m stringing people along by trying to look on the bright side and telling them I have promising interviews in the works. I do have promising interviews in the works, but I wonder if people question my ability to be realistic if these “promising” interviews have, for months now, all come to nothing.
I wanted to write this just as a bit of catharsis. There’s nothing I can do but keep on going, just like many other job-seekers. My situation is certainly not something to complain about when I consider how blessed I am in the grand scheme of things, so my goal is not to whine like a baby. (The four previous paragraphs excepted, of course). I will find a job eventually. And then, when I’m the Director of Super Corporation making one gorgonzillion dollars a year with a company car, all this will be a big laugh. And maybe that will happen with job number 104.
All the best to you, friends!
-Katie
